Dr.House MD quotes

“You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a… [pauses] I can’t think of a non-sexual metaphor.”

“[Houses' patient has just collapsed]
This is exactly why I created nurses. Clean up on aisle three!”

“Fascinating story. Did you think about adapting it to the stage?”

Dr. Cameron: Her blood pressure is rising.
Dr. House: So is mine. But I am doing battle with a deity.

Dr. House: Do you want the tickets or not?
Dr. Wilson: Why don’t you want to go with me?
Dr. House: It’s a play. Dudes only go to plays if they’re dragged by women they’re hoping to see naked.
Dr. Wilson: So why are you giving them to me?
Dr. House: Maybe there’s someone you want to see naked.

Dr. House: It was an outpatient procedure. I was curious.
Dr. Wilson: Are you curious about heroin?
Dr. House: Not since last year’s Christmas party.

Dr. House: [to Cameron and Chase] You two shower together?
Dr. Cameron/Dr. Chase [together]: No!
Dr. House: Double negative – it’s a yes.

Dr. Foreman: You were right about the heart. Should have listened to you.
House: The correct phrasing would be, “I should always listen to you.”

Lee: How come I’m not better? God’s not supposed to work in trial and error.
House: God’s mistakes are well-documented. If he’d done everything right the first time, there’d have been one plague and zero great flood.